Dear readers,
This past week was the fifth year anniversary of the COVID epidemic stay at home orders. Five years is perhaps not enough time to fully understand the impacts, but there is one impact in particular that has been especially integrated for me. COVID helped me understand my boundaries about who I wanted to spend my time with and how I wanted to spend it. Today's newsletter is focused on why we should declare what we want as much as we declare what we don't want, especially as it relates to the ways we can build strong social connections in uncertain times.
If this inquiry is not for you today, you are welcome to do a quick scroll down to the bottom of the newsletter, where you will find the offerings, key dates and registration links you may be seeking. If you only have a few minutes, watch part of the video of Melanie DeMore. I had a chance to be in a workshop with her recently, she is gift to humanity. As Melanie shares about her own voice ~ How can our voices be weapons of mass connection?
During COVID, the more limited my capacity to be with other people became, the more opinionated I became about how to use that precious time. For myself, this meant spending time with people who could respect my needs, even if they were different than theirs, those who emitted full-throated belly laughs, those who tenderly cared for their mental well-being with the same ferocity as their physical well-being, those who loved being outdoors and sharing lovingly prepared meals.
For a mostly-reformed people pleaser like myself, this was a revelation. When I first started developing boundaries around my social connections in my late 30s, the boundaries were defined by what I didn't want. For example, because of a history of alcoholism in my family, I didn't want to be close friends with folks struggling with alcoholism. Not because of any judgment on my part, but more because I didn't trust myself to not slip into a codependent role with them. This was a pattern I didn't want to repeat as an adult. Over time, wise therapists and healers helped me understand that boundaries can be about what you want, and by identifying those wants and sharing those wants with others, you could transform the circumstances of your self, your relationships and your life. They could become incantations or powerful prayers.
Many women in my life have had painful experiences with being in groups of women. One woman I spoke to about this recently shared that for her, it was related to her feeling like other women didn't appreciate or like her positivity and optimism, and in another situation, that the leader of the group didn't do enough to name and enforce the boundaries of the group when participants would overtake the group with their own needs. I completely related to this share. I have had similar experiences myself, and had largely avoided groups of women as a result. I also am avoidant of groups that practice new age spirituality or are based on some type of undisclosed pyramid scheme.
I now understand how my personal boundary practice is a crucial foundation to my capacity to hold group boundaries as a facilitator of women's spaces. For those of you who need to be in a community of belonging and connection, especially during this time, I strongly recommend that you ask about the protocol (or ground rules) of the group, and what happens when protocol or ground rules are not followed. I feel it is completely acceptable for participants to ask this prior to joining any group.
As I prepare for the first book club of the Matriarch Makeover: A 30-Day Invitation, I am thinking deeply about this. Our first session on March 24, 2025 is an open community informational session, and folks are welcome to drop in and learn more about the book club and what will be offered. And most importantly, we will be talking about group protocol and agreements so that participants are informed about how I will honor and hold the group boundaries, so that when we begin to go into the rest of the sessions together, we can co-create a powerful and thriving space.
This is a time for fostering community relationships and building strong social connections, and the studies show that this helps us both in the short-term, but it also supports many long-term benefits such as improved longevity and vitality. I feel the invitation is to do this is in a community of people that share your core values, and one that also allows you to explore relationships with those who may hold different perspectives than you, so that we can all continue to learn and grow.
Dear readers, keep thinking about what you want. Consider all the things you may not want right now, and ask yourself one or more of these questions-
What is the opposite of what I don't want?
What is the antidote for what I don't want?
What is the medicine of what I don't want?
What is it within myself that I don't want?
What is it within my lineage or community that I don't want?
What do you want, dear one?
This is the question for our time, as we must begin to consider what emerging strategies come from this crisis of the heart and mind. Be tender with yourself, and consider starting with your personal boundaries such as what do you want from your loved ones, from your work colleagues, and from your neighbors. And then you can work out from there, all the way to what do you want of this world?
With love,
Maija
Also, I am excited to share that the Fall Equinox Central Coast retreat planning is well underway and the fee details and registration link will be announced by the end of this month. Sign up to be added to the wait list to be the first to be invited to register (click here). We have a limited number of seats for this inaugural year. This retreat is more like a multi-day workshop, with engaging activities, guest presenters and gorgeous, nourishing food.
